TRY AS THEY MIGHT

The new eatery/drinkery that's opened in Tom Tom in Beyoglu could be good or not.  They recently sent out invitations.  Canapes and a glass of wine to be enjoyed in the heated garden.  This was October and it was chilly but it also involved a lot of smokers.  As you know Istanbul is now the place where few venues allow or dare to let you smoke indoors.  Thus any garden space with the promise of heating gets all the nicotine addicts out of the woodwork.  Plus everyone is now looking for outside venues in the Beyoglu area given that all the tables have been taken from the sidewalk by local government decree.  Paymane (the name of the restaurant) hosted some very nice canapes.  Their one glass of wine (included in the cover charge) was not so great but got drunk nonetheless.  However, it was noted that if you wished for a second glass you would have to pay the steepest price for wine (in this calibre of restaurant).  No other bar/restaurant in Cihangir was as expensive and certainly no where in Tom Tom.  We all know Cihangir's prices are steep, given that it has a village for local's atmosphere.  Tom Tom is an area that is not.  It has no other bars/restaurants to recommend you to come there.  It has no other attractions.  It doesn't even have decent parking.  So why would you go there?  No view, no atmosphere, no magic.  Thus it is only Paymane that could attract you to the area and since their food, although nice is nothing too hugely exciting and the costs of their drinks are certainly no incentive to go.  I could pay a lesser price for a glass of wine on a rooftop bar with stunning views.  However, saying all that Paymane is a nice place but easily forgettable if you don't have an incentive to go back for.  It's a pity since the Cihangir outdoor crowd are looking for another venue to meet and so far it's too pricey for them to go to, given it's a longer walk in a dark and uninteresting area.  So Paymane drop your prices, do some seriously marketing to get back all those people who came a few weeks ago and who liked your place but ....well...not enough.

SHAME ON HIM!

This is a bit old news but new to some.  An outstanding pillar of the expat community, one loved by many and one who has contributed tirelessly to charity in money and time (a great deal of time) had the carpet pulled from under her.  Deserving or not?  Who am I to judge?  Ok I will.  I think she deserved better from all around her.  I think she continues to deserve better from all around her.  I think she should be given more leeway than anyone else I know finding themselves in the position she's in.  So what exactly happened?

She had an affair.  Haven't so many of us done that?  Thought of it?  Secretly wanted it?  She had the balls to actually have an affair that lead to her falling in love.  I mean who wouldn't after so many years of marriage?  However, she and her lover choose to take things further and actually set up home together.  Her children were older, her husband appeared fairly disinterested and the charity work could only fulfill a part of who she is.  Thus her lover and her agreed to take this walk into the unknown.  She told her husband.  He screamed, he shouted he was not amused since he is a man used to getting his way.  He is a man used to having things exactly how he wants them and suddenly there he had a wife who wasn't keen to continue to live that way.  Suddenly the lover was no where to be seen.  He had disappeared.  He turned off his phone, he refused all calls from her.  He went to ground.  She was left standing.  Taking the flax and watching everything around her burn.  Her lover had changed his mind.  Why?  Oh put it down to cowardice.  This lonely lady began the spiral into despair and loss.  Her husband kicked her out (she slept on a friends floor).  Her husband removed all credit cards (this is a woman who has worked all her life to support her husband's world and therefore had no career other than mother, wife, carer, charity worker and friend).  Most painful of all, her children rejected her.  They had forgotten the amazing mother and woman she is.  They had forgotten how human and normal she is.  Her husband went on to divorce her and shame her anywhere he could.  Since he is a rather well known personality there are a lot of well known people who now regard her as non persona gratis.  Thankfully many friends remained supporting her.  Her kids still don't talk to her and she is building her life as best she can.  As far as I can see the only mistake she made was trusting her lover.  He seems to have got scot free.  No recriminations, no bad press, no one disowning him.  What a weasel he is.  Anyone know who he is?  Send me his details and let's shame him here.

STALKING ON THE INTERNET

Ah come on, you've all done this!  Whether it's a tiny winny look to see if your ex has gone bald or the girl you hated at school has grown fat.  We are all guilty of utilising the internet to find out about people we don't really want to get in contact with again.  However, beware!  As you are doing the stalking, so is someone stalking you.  Sure you can do a lot to lock down i.e. not show info on FB or don't get involved with twitter or Linkden or even have a photograph taken at some event that can tag you.  Do you really want to be that annoyomous especially as you may well be using the internet to promote yourself for work.

Where is this leading to?  Ah to this.  I have heard of three cases now of internet stalking that has lead to divulgence of information the owners of which would rather it did not get out.  Let's begin with the least interesting:

1. Some delusional lady thought to stalk her boyfriend's wife.  Yes, I know it should be the other way round.  Her obsessive jealousy lead her to believe her boyfriend was cheating on her with his wife!  She became a facebook friend of the wife (very daring given the wife might have triggered something but then I heard she had disguised herself as a man).  Over the course of the year she stalked and then discovered the wife was pregnant!  I guess that's proof of a cheating boyfriend!

2. A-way back ex of someone began an internet search to discover his ex girlfriend was now married and running a small pension in rural France.  For some strange and explicable reason the stalker booked the entire pension for  two weeks in July.  Even sent over a small deposit as required and naturally never showed, but wrote an email stating they were running late and would be there 3 days later and would pay for the days they couldn't make, thus buggering up rental options for at least a week.  I feel particularly bad for this one since who knows what this had cost the owners.

3. A renter left his apartment without completing the contract.  The owner of property did not lie low on this but went to work discovering his ex renter had a Facebook profile.  He went to work on setting up a fake facebook profile and friended the ex renter.  He then, over sometime, managed to extract the ex renters new address.  Not easy, I grant you and I would like to give you the full story but won't, on account I might have to use that in the future as I think it's just the best story line ever.  Once the address was in hand the ex renter got a warning letter from the lawyer for non payment of rent.  My advice to him would be to pay up or face a court case that would cost him a lot more since the livid owner of the apartment has had enough of delinquent renters and has vowed to track defaulters down and sue them to the limits of the law.

So up to you guys how guilty you are of pissing someone off as to whether you lock down or continue to brazenly go on believing no one out there has an axe to grind with you.

LIFE AND LOVES

People travel for all sorts of reason and a lot travel for love.  Someone said that men come for love but women stay for it.  It could be true.  Another foreign man has given in to his Turkish love.  I don't know why this way round it should be so shocking since so many foreign women give up great jobs, lives, family to be with some Turkish man who works in a coffee shop or carpet shop and doesn't have any real chances of a future.  The most recent acquisition to Istanbul is an American who does know what he's letting himself in for having lived for many years in Cairo but it's a little scary and daunting having to find work and a etch out a life for himself here.  Years ago, not many men left their worlds for their woman.  I recently met a Dutch man who told me he had lived in Cihangir 25 years ago and had to contend himself with the company of his wife's friend's Turkish boyfriends.  He said it would have been OK if there hadn't be so many dramas and if he had understood more than a sprinkling of the language.  He said he longed for someone of his culture, someone who could understand him and not keep misunderstanding his friendliness to his wife's girlfriends.  Today, Cihangir is a different world, indeed Turkey is.  This Dutchman would be more comfortable now and in the evenings would find a great many foreign friends, male and female, single and attached out in the bars around the place.

I heard of a Happy Marriage.  Yes I know this is already totally newsworthy.  The GM of a 5 star hotel 16 years ago hit on his boss while a trainee and told her to 'give up everything and come away with me.  One day I'll be GM and your love can help me achieve this.'  The lady, so in love, took a leap of faith and now they are exactly where he said they would be and more importantly still only have eyes for each other.  Sigh!

I overheard a lady the other night say 'I'm trying every drink to get me drunk tonight.'  Sadly that isn't so much a drink on the rocks but a  marriage.  They've been a happy couple for a long time but like so many unions, naturally one grows apart.  I hope the couple in question understand that their marriage has been successful because they have been great friends and great partners but it might be better to go their own ways so they can remain great friends and who knows, in the future one can always find each other interesting in ways again.

Did anyone think the latest on/off American/Turk combo was going to last?  Right now it's off again but no one is expecting that to be the last of it.  Do you think it's the age difference that is making this relationship so difficult?  How about family pressure?  Maybe financial differences?  Hell, no it's just called incompatibility.  They bring out the worst in each other.  Both fighting for supremacy.  Both great people without each other but lost and aimless with.  The Girl was seen on Friday night swinging her legs at Khavedan chatting to three male friends.  The Man in the story was seen entering 21 with two girls in tow (very obviously brought in for jealousy stirring).  The Girl of the story was last seen in exactly the same place with the same bunch of friends and the Man in the Story was sitting near by watching her alone.

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE LOVED UP COUPLE

Only last week Cihangir's famous couple made it official.  Or at least officially that they were planning on making it official.  Yes, an engagement.  The venue was held in the groom-to-be's family mansion miles out of most Cihangir residents comfort zone and was stupendous.  Marble floors that led you out to the large garden dotted with waiters holding trays of champagne filled glasses.  Others walked around the 80 of so guests with tiny, dainty nibbles.  The bride-to-be, glamours in her dark floor length gown.  Laughed in her native Australian way, as she moved around her guests looking very much like a young Natalie Wood but with tits (her own, but then of course they would be since she is not a product of Turkish society).  Her two best friends (from down the road back home) were equally glamourous wearing heels so high they wouldn't have to take off to join the mile high club.  They laughed and joked in the Australian way of back slapping friendliness while matching any man drink for drink.  They certainly outshone some of the other ladies without even trying.

I spotted a couple of other women there wearing dresses so short I'm sure they were originally tops!  Not sure what statement they were trying to elicit but sadly back home, in someone's native Australia we might wonder how much they charge.  Then there was the lady who arrived badly underdressed.  For a while there I wondered if she was brought in to readjust the disco ball but then sported her hiding herself under a tree, champagne in hand wearing her jeans and t-shirt.  Someone had obviously forgotten to explain it was a formal party  I felt for her but more so for the other lady who thought frills and sequins was a cool fashion statement.  I'm not sure how others faired but there were a few moments when my heels sunk into the grass and suddenly I was shorter than everyone around me.

It was a lovely night.  Wonderful weather.  Great wine.  Amazing hospitality.  Fun people and a very happy couple.  Frankly, if that night was a taster for the wedding than I have to say that I can't wait for the big day.  Don't you dare not invite me.  I already have my frock picked!

CAT FIGHT OVER CATS

Cihangir seems to be a little cat crazy and because of this a cat fight has broken out.  Posted on the Cihangir Today e-newspaper started by a well-informed and excellent editor, is a cat fight.  Amongst the important stuff like 'what is the prime minister doing' and 'latest on Lybia' is a forum dedicated to Cihangir's cats.  With these lovely furry friends that we all have a soft spot for are also the other cats - women.  Today on the forum a cat fight broke out.  One lady attacked another for not being the caring woman/mother of cats that she professes to be.  The expat in question (and the one being attacked) is undoubtably one of Cihangir's most ardent cat carers.  She is known to have gone out of her way and pocket to safeguard the safety and health of these helpless creatures.  Everyone knows that if there is a cat in trouble you can count on this lady to find a way to help.  Thus it is surprising to have a Cihangir resident sharpen her claws and take a swipe at the said expat cat lover.  The expat cat lover sharpened her claws and took a swipe back.  Another cat lover, backed the expat cat lover and hissed a bit and also took a swipe.  Frankly I can see this sport catching on.  I certainly will be glued to the pages of this forum to see what their next move is,  although it might take place in a real arena as the Cihangir - Cool for Cat's society is holding a meeting tomorrow at 11am in White Mill.  Everyone will get a chance to give help, make suggestions, offer promises and take sides.  Looks like some fur will fly.  I don't think I want to miss that one.
PS  My money's on the expat cat lover.

PRICELESS

The would be authoress with the big nose has a traitor somewhere amidst the 535 friends she has on Facebook.  Personally I find it strange that it is only 'one'.  She's betrayed so many friendships that you'd have thought it would be more.  The below excerpt was sent to me by an annoymous donor.  In fact the entire Facebook page was sent to me but I felt it prudent not to publish 'as is' but to avail this hilarious piece of egocentricity that the would be authoress with the big nose pasted on her wall.  

Priceless, Turkish airlines staff just asked me "Are you a dancer?" Ageing suits me apparently.

Yesterday at 2:03pm via BlackBerry · Like · Comment

Of course many have been looking for the 'unlike' button to press but here facebook fails the friends that aren't really.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE TABLES GONE?

At the height of summer Cihangir and several other streets around the Beyoglu area are devoid of tables and chairs.  There has been a crackdown leaving bars and restaurants struggling.  No one wants to sit inside on balmy summer nights and let's face it smokers are often drinkers and vice versa and since they can't smoke inside they tend to hog the chairs outside.  No more.  It began on Asmali Mecit street off Istiklal nearly a month ago.  Rumour has it the prime minister could not take his car down the street as it had been taken over by restaurants placing their tables on them.  Indeed, as a walker it is hard work getting past everyone never mind cars.  Within a short time the tables and chairs had been taken away on the pretext that an ambulance (if needed) could not go down the street.  Fair call really.  However, it's also been said that the municipality want to levy a new tax on tables and are working out their strategy which is easier to start from scratch really.  Now Cihangir has followed.  No tables and chairs allowed on the pavements or streets.  Businesses are struggling.  Some bars have put out a few cushions so that people can sit there and everyone is now looking for new venues to go to where they can enjoy these August nights.  I think we need to see what happens when Ramazan ends which could be what this is about.  People who do without like to have everyone do without.  Terribly selfish really to expect others to be considerate to your fasting choices when you are not very considerate to those that don't wish to give up their own routines.

OVERHEARD

Becareful what you say in Toilets.  Last night was highly informative, so much so I stayed an awfully long time in the toilets of one large party gathering to listen to what everyone had to say.

Overheard:

'Yeah he's my ex.  You have can have him but he's not very good in bed'.

'Don't know why he's flirting with me with his girlfriend right beside me.'
'But you have a crush on him.'
'No I don't.  He's ok, there is someone else I like.'

'Did you see what she was wearing?'
'I thought it looked good on her.'
'Yeah I mean, she looked great.'

'Do you think her tits are silicon?'
'Must be.  Never seen tits so high up on a woman so old.'

'I'm still waiting for him to show.  He said he was coming.'

'Do you have a good contact for botox?'
'No, why would you think I would?'
'Oh, I thought you had botox done.'
'No, do I look like someone who has had botox?'
'Well yes, otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it.'

THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD

Our would be authoress who recently had her book opening and got everyone to pay for their own drinks has not finished with gathering hate.

No one got a look in on her book until the opening and since those that attended were press ganged into buying the book they thought they should read it.  Horror… mouth a-gasp … jaw drop … some local expats were easy to pick out.  Character assassinations were put to paper and for one lady it was just all too much.  Tired of hearing about how she is portrayed in her once best friend’s book (be careful of your best friend it seems) she has decided to leave.  Not just leave the area she lives and works in but leave the country altogether. 

Naturally she is now regretting having had this particular best friend and although they broke up some time before the book was passed around we now know that as this lady was pouring her heart out to her friend, this friend was putting it all down on paper.  Naturally not all written is true but the likeness is very obvious and must now be very uncomfortable for her. 

It will be interesting to see how many more people this would be authoress can alienate before she needs to leave.

GORGEOUS GUYS - spot them, shoot them, submit them. AUGUST SIGHTINGS

WE LOVE IT THAT THESE GUYS ARE TAKING CARE OF THEIR BODIES IN THE GYM.  Let's hope they are as good at taking care of our bodies!

THE WORLD IN PINK

Cihangir's witch celebrated 5 years of magic this week.  La Vie en Rose or is it Pembe Toz (pink powder) saw a crowd of well wishers.  Now I don't really understand why this place has two names except that they are both linked with a color.  The owner of this establishment has a word of mouth reputation that has kept her afloat in a market that would seem to me to be difficult to earn from.  Most people run to conventional medicine with a mistrust for anything that hasn't got a Bayer on the bottle.  Have I tried her potions?  I have to say not, but I have now heard of and met a fair amount that have.  One lady I overheard say her son no longer has ezcema thanks to Cihangir's witch and another said he is able to sleep at night at last without pills.  So maybe I should give it a shot since I have a fair number of complaints.  Back to the party which was fun.  The owner of La Vie en Rose (all in pink) welcomed everyone with some of her own home brew (which was lethal) and even put on a fabulous spread of food made by another Cihangir lady reknowed for some time for her own food magic.  The owner of La vie en Rose needs to help herself to more catering as she is now painfully thin.  I fear she might have an eating disorder of some kind which is not the best advertising for her potions given she looks like she could do with some of her won medicine.    All in all I wish her the best since far too many business open and close in a short time in this country and in Cihangir.  Thus if somewhere lasts this long then you've got to support it to make sure it can serve it's community for another 5 years especially since everyone raves about the massages and treatments that are on offer.

Vive la Vie En Rose

THE INNER CIRCLE MISSIVES: A SHALLOW SISTER'S DATING WORKSHOP - MEN NOT TO MA...

THE INNER CIRCLE MISSIVES: A SHALLOW SISTER'S DATING WORKSHOP - MEN NOT TO MA...: "A word of warning : Never ever marry, seriously date or fall in love with the below mentioned : A doctor A lawyer A man with a moustache ..."

THE BOOK LAUNCH - CHAPTER TWO

I knew I shouldn't have left early but I'm not much good at remaining in a place where I'm bulldozed into buying a book and buying my own drink.  Now, apart from someone standing at the door pushing a copy of the book at everyone that entered with words of 'buy this' or something to that effect I heard that there wasn't even an opening speech.  Mind you, thinking about it, if there had been everyone there would have had to raise their glasses and I'm sure many refused to pay 15 lira for a lemonade and would have been toastless.  The wannabe authoress must have been short of money, I'd say since when a couple left to find the restroom she ran after them saying 'hey have you paid your bill, I don't want to be lumbered with it?'  Not sure if she was embarrassed when informed that the expensive weak beer had gone right through forcing a toilet call.  The artist that had designed the book cover even had to pay for her own drinks.  I hope she charged for her efforts otherwise might also be another person pissed.

The wannabe authoress was then seen later in the evening in Cihangir at one of her locals (and probably went to them all) touting her book, asking drinkers to fork out their hard earned cash (they had planned to spend on drink) on her.  It does make me wonder if she can be akinned with the 'hat seller', 'the lighter seller' and the 'napkin seller' who tout the same route every night.  Are we going to see the wannabe authoress join them each evening trying her luck? Or in her case pushing it!

BOOK LAUNCH?

Forgive me for thinking incorrectly, but aren't book launches (held in bars or hotels) about getting tipsy.  Every book launch I've ever been to that started early evening and was held in a hotel did include a 'cocktail' of sorts.  However, the latest self published book by a wannabe journalist/author may have spent all her money on paying the printing house and could therefore not provide anything to tempt other than an invitation to be there.  The hotel she choose is an expensive one.  Way over priced at the best of times but historically interesting and atmospheric.

The main character of her book has another (but real) journalist a little narked.   Her name is used as the main character which could well be coincidence, but you would thought that if you were writing a book about a journalist then you would try to avoid the names of those you actually know?  And then there is the fact that the real journalist is about to bring out her own book.  In this case, not a work of fiction and not self published either. The wannabe author or is still authoress (perhaps being a 'writer' she can correct me on that) displayed her book for sale and pointed everyone towards the bar to buy their own drink.  I declined both as I needed to get out of there to pick up a bite to eat since I had been hoping for a few morsels to stave my appetite  having been hard at work all day.   I'm not sure how long the 20 or so people stayed but I hazard a guess it would not be long after they finished the drink they had to pay for.

RELATIONSHIPS

Heard that an older couple living in Bebek are sharing a young lover.  This pretty local girl is enjoying the benefits of being under the protection of this influential couple.  However, interesting not one of the threesome like it in a threesome.  Some nights are spent with the lady of the house and other nights with the man of the house.  Everyone appears to be very happy with the relationship - Good luck to them.

Another older lady has gone under the knife again in order to keep her much younger lover.  She has undergone so many reconstructions her nose is wafer thin, her lips stretch out almost to her ears.  Her eyebrows have that constant surprised look and her skin has been stretched so thin (although you can't see her wrinkles) you can see the veins beneath them.  I'm not sure she quite understands that it isn't the 'looking young' that is keeping her man but her money.

The lesbian relationship of another on and off couple (residing in Atakoy of all places) continue to be exactly that.  No one is sure if they really are lesbians or if they are pretending to be or if they are trying to annoy each other.  Both women have been seen individually disappearing with various men for sex, yet both claim to be only interested in each other.  The men don't seem to mind too much and have confirmed a lot more goes on than talking when the door is closed.

The straight and probably most crazy of all the relationships going on these days is the one where the couple (who appear to be totally smitten with each other) are unable to be in each other's company without the extra stimulation of drink and/or drugs.  The man in the relationship claims he is unable to get through the day or night without drink or drugs, so much so that the couple are found scouring the streets looking for illegal substances to top their 'love high'.  Failing that they drink.  I am at a loss to understand it all since I remember being in love and 'the love high' exceeded all stimuli for at least 8 months.  This couple are still at their dating infancy.  Perhaps one or both needs to look at rehab or find someone else.

GORGEOUS GUYS - spot them, shoot them, submit them. JUNE SIGHTINGS

GORGEOUS GUY SEEN ON a Bebek bound bus on - Saturday 25th June 2011.  I was informed that it's in short video format so that we can get the full effect of wind swept hair and let's face it, this guy has gorgeous hair.  I for one would like to run my hands through it.

Guys if you recognise yourself get in touch.  Send us some more shots of yourself, without sunglasses.

BEWARE WHAT YOU PUT ON LAMPOSTS

I heard yesterday that a couple living in Balat had lot their cat.  They posted cute little pictures of it onto the lamposts asking anyone to come forward with news of their little one with the promise of a cash reward.

They received a phone call from someone demanding the ransom of 10,000 dollars for the return of the cat otherwise he would slit it's throat.

The couple were distraught naturally.  The kidnapper then actually came to the house and threatened once again to kill the cat if he didn't get the money within 48 hours.

The couple then began asking neighbors and everyone around them if they knew who had kidnapped their cat.  The man in the bakkal close by had seen the cat at someone's window and assured the couple he would contact the father of the kidnapper and have their cat returned safe and sound.

True to his word, he did.  The kidnapper came to the couple's house with the cat, apologized citing 'a misunderstanding' and then suggesting that when this cat has kittens he would very much like one of them!

WILL CIHANGIR BISTRO’S EVER LEARN? PART II

There is no doubting that the view from Cihangir's Besinci Kat (5th floor) is stunning.  There is no taking away from the terrace that is nearly the best place to be on a warm evening.  There is no taking away from the fact that the building it sits on, has it's original floor tiles and french architecture.  There is no taking away from the fact that the red velvet drapery and beaded curtains add a style of it's own promising opulence and grandeur.  However,  Besinci Kat is not exempt from bad practices just because of the above pluses.  Besinci Kat is a restaurant at the end of the day and should at least produce food that matches it's promised surroundings or prices that match the food's mediocre standard.  At best it's disappointing to be eating such trash in such a promising place and worse still having to pay the price for it.  So please Besinci Kat sack the chef and get someone in who knows what's cooking!

Sadly it doesn't end there.  The staff are discourteous and unwelcoming.  They need to be asked several times for an order of drinks and endlessly for an ashtray.  Tables on the upper deck are not cleared and a group actually had to clear the plates away themselves so they could enjoy drinking at the upper deck level.  No waiter came to turn on the gas fires even though I feel that the price of drinks surely included some warmth.  When the bill arrived it was horribly wrong.  Food items never ordered were on it including extra drinks.  When this was pointed out the waiter suggested that the problem lay in the fact that a lower table moved to the same table as two friends thus confusing the order.  How it should be so defeats me since the two friends were initially drinking alone at the table for an hour before other's arrived and asked for separate bills.  The waiter at the cash desk was not happy with being told that the bill was incorrect and twice asked if the punter was sure she hadn't had a tiramasu, a beer and an extra glass of wine.

Perhaps the digital world has put a strain on waiters.  Perhaps we should just revert back to a little piece of paper marked with items ordered, placed in a little wicker cylinder at the table to hope for some accuracy.  Mistakes happen but churlishness doesn't have to go with it.  I'm not sure what the waiter's problems are that they need to take their unhappiness on the punters but perhaps the management (who are also not very gracious) should do something about it.

All the bistro's/bars and restaurants in Cihangir need to make a better effort especially since I will be returning to write about them.  In Zenka's defence the management were so upset with the scathing comments from Gossip Girl that changes have been made for the better.  Bravo Zenka.  Love your prawns and fava beans.

Sadly Fincan has joined the ranks of crap food with tiny portions.  Don't they know that Turkish people living in Cihangir no longer expect Turkish portions.  They expect food to fill a plate and a large plate at that.  They expect to order one item and feel full and they certain expect meat not to be dried and inedible (even if it's takeout).  Fincan, you are small and can't afford to lose customers, so get it right from now on.

NEW GROUP?

A new party group is emerging in the city lead by the mangirl of dubious origins.  I will refer to him as a him from henceforth on account of his passport stating he is male.    The man of dubious origins is skilled at putting together some great deals in the city for dinner and drinks.  His latest offering was possibly one of the best.  Food at Suada with unlimited drinks.  For those that haven't been to Suada you need to go.  It's the manmade island in the Bosphorus where sits several restaurants and a swimming pool that meets the channel level for level.  Breathtaking at night with the bridge spanning two continents lit up with its ever changing colours.

Back to the event:  The food was good, so I'm told.  The drink was flowing which is a given.  The man of dubious origins is good at placing people at the table who were of a certain genre.  The older more sedate were put in a group together so they would not have to be subjected to the frivolity of the expats and locals.  Needless to say the man of dubious origins has his own group of friends who are considered by some to be in the outrageous section of society i.e. gays, lesbians and bisexuals.  Some of these people (who have liberated themselves from society's guilt trip) are exuberant at exercising their liberation at every event.  There was a lot of girl on girl action, notably by one who recently left Internations before they kicked her out.  She has claimed to be bi-sexual but leaning towards men as a choice.  However, her other bi-sexual partner claims she is more lesbian then not.  I'm wondering if it's the case with having two lovers, where you tell both you like them best.  Therefore the girl in the bi-sexual triangle thinks she's more preferred, which is not necessarily the case.  This femme fatal (last seen at the fish dinner of only a week before) was also seen openly kissing a Belgian.  The Belgian is married but rumour has it that this marriage has been arranged so his Turkish wife could benefit from his passport.  Now, I'm a little confused here as they live in Turkey so I fail to see how she benefits, perhaps the story related to me is wrong and it's he who needed a passport to remain in this country.  Either way his marriage is not only on paper but in the apartment they share, so I wonder how much is his perception of his marriage and how much is her not knowing what his perception is.  The femme fatal continued to move between her female lover and the new incoming.  In the end she was seen leaving with the Belgian, so presumably she wanted to do 'hairy' that night.

One lady was not happy with the possibility of an ex turning up to sit beside her.  She has been stalked for a couple of years now by an ex who wants to be a current.  He signed up for the event asking the man of dubious origins to be sure to place him next to her.  He was a no-show only because he's not living in the city.  Why he thought to unnerve her with his possible presence is anybody's guess.

PLANKING PLANKERS

OK the very obvious fun one can have with planking is calling plankers wankers.  Are they?  I don't think so.  I've begun to see the hilarity of this new craze that is reported to have begun in Australia.  It's now traveling the world and has reached our city.  There are planking facebook pages where you can put your plank up and name it.  There is also another facebook page devoted entirely to planks in Istanbul which has received media coverage.  How long this pointless activity will go on for, who knows but hopefully throughout the summer.  I mean we need some pointless activity to unite us other than a political one.  So hurrah to plankers and let's all get horizonal on some Turkish turf.

PILOTS

Beware girls of the Pilots that abound from other parts of the world to work for various Turkish airlines. So many hearts are getting broken and who can really blame the men with the wings. Women are throwing themselves at every opportunity for one.  The ones that fit the pilot demography (tall, handsome, charming) have a waiting list.  And yes, not one of these men intends to commit or rather most of these men have already committed to someone who isn't you.  A few are married and have kept their wives/common law girlfriends back home.  After all they fly home nearly every other day thus able to actually live in two places at once.  A lot of these guys have met women on line from various dating sites to craigslist.  These men are good at making women feel as if they are flying but for them it's about the moment.  Over dinner they'll ooze charm and you will think you've snared the ultimate prize but alas these men are good at making women (and a lot of women) feel good.

Latest casualty is a young and lovely girl from one of the old communist countries.  I'm not sure why I should think that excuses her naivety but I do.  For a month now this lovely beauty has chased and won (not as much as she'd like to) the latest tall handsome pilot from Central America.  He's actually done nothing wrong except make her feel like a princess, like someone special.  Indeed she is special but one of a long line of women who have been special and still are in their way and those that are waiting to be special.  This lovely was seen at the Hilton dabbing tears from her eyes as the high flyer tried to make her understand his 'take' on life which is mostly on 'take off' mode (clothing wise and getting out wise).  I am sure she won't accept his rejection easily as she kept dragging him away from socializing to have intense conversations with him.  I can see her turn from this lovely creature to someone stalking and needy.

Another interesting thing which I keep forgetting to check out is that someone once told me that they noticed all pilots had very hairy arms.  Is this the case?  Anyone found this to be true?

FISH AND FEMME FATAL

The BCC and someone else decided to hold a charity fish dinner at some gorgeous Bosphorus coastline location.  Some Brits attended as did some locals.  The idea was to eat lots of fish and mezze and go on to dance at Reina's.  Since they choose a week night I find it incredible that some thought they might go on till the wee hours, plus it's kinda weird clubbing on a weekday.  The meal I'm told was nice but deathly boring.  It was way too subdued and the conversation mainly focused on the weather and work.  So in the end there was nothing to report and no one could tell me if anything happened at Reina's or if anyone went.
However, one of the organizers has lost a great deal of weight recently and provocatively showed it off in a little mini skirt.  Someone suggested that she is in love.  We all know that love can make you stop eating as it interferes with dreaming.  However, no one knows if this love interest is male or female, since this particular newly streamlined femme fatal swings both ways and some say she swings mostly towards her closest mirror image.  Perhaps that's why she organizes so many fish suppers!

GORGEOUS GUYS - spot them, shoot them, submit them. JUNE SIGHTINGS

MORE gorgeous guys in June sightings.  At last we can see if there is any muscle tone now that the heavy winter wear has been shed although there is a lot to be said for burberry raincoats.
Both men shot around the Sisli area on June 2 or thereabouts says the shootee.  Hadn't really realised how many cute guys there are in this city.  Let's have some more varying ages and guys get in touch with me.

Who wouldn't want to share a water with him or some other liquid!

Love the way his body seems to move.  eye contact too!

GORGEOUS GUYS - spot them, shoot them, submit them. MORE

Two more hunky hunks.  Who can resist these.  Diverse in appeal, yet for me, I'm attracted to both types and here will not go into the fashion choice of one or the hair product of another remembering regardless of what I might like they are nonetheless gorgeous.
Guys don't forget that if you spot yourself get in touch with me.

Spotted late afternoon 2nd June 2011 on the Taksim to Infiinity line.  Kissable lips wouldn't you agree?

Boyish looking I grant you but then cute is kissable.  Spotted @nd June 2010 on the metro in Mecidiyekoy.

GORGEOUS GUYS - spot them, shoot them, submit them.

I've started a new section on the gossip girl in Istanbul site.  GORGEOUS GUYS.  Spot them, shoot them, submit them.  Anywhere in the city (please none of your boyfriend).  Tell me where you spotted them, try not to get shot shooting them and don't forget to submit them to me.  I'll paste them up here and we can perve.  Any of you guys spot yourself please also get in touch with me.  Send me a pic of yourself, a little bio and maybe some Cheeky Chic will get in touch with you.

Here are the first two.  Both spotted yesterday 31st May 2011 on the metro line.  The first Taksim to infinity and the second one from Gayrettepe to Sishane.

Comments welcome as long as they are flattering we have no wish to be unkind to such gorgeous guys.  Personally if guy number one gets in touch with me I'll teach him more than the books on his lap can!

GORGEOUS GUY NO 1

Now I think he is just so hot.

GORGEOUS GUY NO 2.

Moody and sultry.  Great jawline.

RAPTURING PARTIES - 2

The supposed night of the Rapture saw Istanbul host two parties that I heard of.  Both equally as riotess and ending with most participants lying face down, rather than being lifted heavenwards.  What took place?  Well the first party opened at this new bar in Cihangir, only I can't name it because they haven't thought of a name yet.  About 40 people arrived in various states of inebriation (obviously having thought to begin a different kind of rapture).  Talk of why there hadn't been a rapture was soon overtaken with 'what cocktail shall we drink?'

Most people behaved themselves as you would not expect in a rapture party but one lovely young girl was chastised for flirting with other women's men.  I suspect drink has a lot to answer for that, but one has to remember it was not the men who were complaining, so perhaps they might also need to be chastised for allowing themselves to be flattered by another's attention.  Hey, for me it works either way.  The more interesting things happen the more I have to write about.

The second party took place at a pub off Istiklal.  It's the usual haunt for expats and others who go there for such intellectual stuff as drinking, meeting, pub quizzes and music.  It was a more low key event only because there were more english among the crowd.  The english don't do too much exhibiting unless they are heavily plied with drink.  In this case the worst that happened is that one lady was seen emptying out all her drink into a toilet (which couldn't have been pleasant for her too).  Another blonde with an interesting streak of pink in her hair was seen disappearing into the night with a recently single Englishman.  His ex was, also at the bar, stormed off soon after.  Interestingly it was her that broke off the relationship so you do wonder why she might be annoyed that he had moved on.  Ah women, if we don't want someone we still don't want anyone else to want them.

Now apart from hearing others say things like 'At least the Rapture had been set for a Saturday night', I am left wondering if the next set Rapture date will also be a Saturday night at which case I'm sure we will see several more parties around the city and may even see some fancy dress.  I am told only one person donned fancy dress (not that any of the parties had been advertised as such), she came as an angel.  Presumably her rapture had taken place and...well.... earth was just that tad more interesting than sharing 'one god' with millions.

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‘RAPTURE’.

What in God’s name is going on in some people’s heads?  Followers of another loony based cult lead by Harold Camping are expecting the world to end tomorrow (21^st May) at noon.  Is this CET, GMT or just on Harold Camping’s time?

Apart from the amusing joviality this has triggered it is just plain lunacy. 

Thankfully most of the world is not affected by this particular act of craziness but there are way too many who are and their belief is irritating at best and destroying at worst.  I can’t imagine what some children are thinking and fearing, having heard the end is nigh. 

Rapture:  I intend to be raptured but by someone more tangible than a god figure created from another warped mind.  My raptures are almost daily and often involve someone quite appealing but never with the fear of the end of the world.

What now?  We wait to prove again that H.Camping has got it wrong (we got through 1994, which according to him we wouldn’t).  I suspect when the world keeps turning and the Internet keeps working he will come up with another date that will send another frenzy through the mad masses. 

For now we can contend with another excuse for a party.  I have heard Rapture Parties are a-foot in the city of Istanbul.  Exactly what will be required other than drink and debauchery I cannot imagine?  Some bright sparks have set up facebook pages for the Rapture.  Including a Post Rapture looting party.  Best comment from that one was ‘I am white therefore I will ‘find’, not ‘loot’.’  For those that remember Katrina, it was racially pointed out that ‘white folk – find’ and ‘black folk – loot’.

Since no one knows what time the rapture really begins in Istanbul everyone is coming up with differing times for the popping of the champagne and the face turned skywards.  Midnight is always a good party hiatus to go for I’d say.  Anyway I’m off to get me-self an ipad if everything goes belly up!

WILL CIHANGIR BISTRO’S EVER LEARN?

Oh the complaints are coming in thick and fast from the expat crowd and even the non-expat crowd regarding all the drinking holes in Cihangir.  Why are they treating their customers like tourists?  Meaning Tourists come and go and you don’t have to woo regular customers.  Perhaps the owners or staff originates from Sultan Ahmet or thereabouts. 

I am going to name these places, as everyone is sick and tired of mistakes made on bills.  Deliberate?  Who is to know but there always seems to be a problem and when it’s pointed out the serving staff become belligerent and narked.  Isn’t the customer always right?  Certainly is if you are a Cihangir resident and spend money in local businesses.

Zenka.  Screwed up royally.  So many love the place.  So many love the atmosphere.  So many love the food and think the prices of drinks (compared to elsewhere) reasonable.  So this is a frequented place.  Everyone tells others about it.  Everyone wants it to succeed because they don’t want it to be a here today gone tomorrow (like so many small business (although Zenka is really part of a much larger group and therefore should know better)). A group were there there for 1 hour was overcharged by 3 glasses of wine.  Since everyone was pretty sober it was easy to keep count of what had been drunk.  What was even more outrageous was when they pointed this out the waiter was rude (you are wrong) and dismissive.  Perhaps he would have been had the customers been men.  So, not only is Zenka unable to count they are sexist.  It took a lot of fracas and foray to put it right.  This group has vowed to cross Zenka off their list, as have others who have also been stung.   Zenka please put your computers, your staff, your accounting or whatever right so I can work hard to bring those people back to you.

Charlotte.  How did you screw up Charlotte?  The Manager is well liked and  actually has managerial skills unlike most of the bistro/bars that open up around Cihangir.  when there is a mistake made he is extremely apologetic but the staff keep screwing up, plus the service sucks but then it’s a new bistro so that is sometimes excusable in the early stages.  However, the kitchen being downstairs far from the tables make it an obstacle course for the waiters to get past the drinkers at the bar.  Bad designing guys.  But everyone loves the hot nuts. Charlottes also has been overcharging.  2 bottles of wine instead of 2 glasses.  How do you fathom that one?  So the busy crowd that made you an instant success are beginning to go elsewhere. 

21.  Another screw up.  Extra glasses of wine and even one was charged for 22 glasses (now that is seriously questionable), and worse yet charging for nuts.  Not even nice nuts.  Recently they charged not only the cost of a glass of wine but another 3tl for the soda spritzer.  The Spritzer drinker no longer comes.  Why?  It makes your wine by the glass as expensive as a cocktail.  Again bills arrive with extra drinks and even extra plates of food.  OK we accept this sometimes happens but it’s happening way too much in all these above places.  Plus we are left with an argument when we try to sort out the error.  Oh and they've put up their wine prices which just seems greedy since wine is now cheaper than it has ever been.  

Susam Cafe has not escaped either or rather several punters have.  They have not been back since last summer when they sat drinking cocktails and were charged for 5 extra.  When this was pointed out on the hand written bill  (an extra 120tl on the tab) it was changed but and a shrug was given in the form of a non apology.

So far you three have been slighted.  Of course others have too but you three have been slighted on several occasions so buck up and get it right because you are losing these valuable customers who are now returning to Khavedan where there is rarely a mistake and if there is the staff are polite about it.  

THE NAKED CIVIL SERVANT

Exactly what Funshion was supposed to be about only few really know.  The man of dubious origins gathered up all this skills at the ridiculous and came up with a party where you had to come in designer gear or in designer gear rip offs.  Now, I was wondering this (and here forgive me as I go off on a tangent) but if it is illegal to duplicate copyright material is it also illegal to buy it and display it?

The man of dubious origins may have to have a new name, such as ‘the man of dubious botox.’  It’s got to the point where his skin is stretched so tightly across his face I’m afraid it might snap and ping back into it’s original position. The stretching of it worries me as it may tear in places like finely woven silk stretched on a frame too small.

But then again we might even have better name i.e. ‘the man of dubious clothing.’  I would like to say that what he wore that evening has something to do with the frivolity of the night but alas no, the checked tablecloth of a waistcoat is probably Prada (or fake Prada) and the leather shorts are probably…well nobodies.  I mean is there a designer out there that would have come up with that?  OK maybe Vivian Westwood but even they were too kooky for her.

However, this article is not just about what the ‘man with dubious origins, botox and tailoring’, but about a Civil Servant.  A gorgeous one at that.  So gorgeous he has appeared in several magazines in the city displaying his chicness.  Not only is this man so chic he is also straight.  You don’t often find, in this world, a man who can dress and is not gay.  Now the worrying part  is that His Cheeky Civil Chicness was seen in the event that had all the chicness of Punk Rock.  This chic civil servant had the good manners to at least come dressed well (to be honest I don’t think he knows how to do bad taste, except in event choices). 

So laid naked in his bad choice there is at least a hope few will remember he attended and he now has the choice of having his photos deleted from the event so he can continue to be Istanbul’s Chicest, Cheekest,  Civil Servant.

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ANOTHER GIRLIE FUED

Why are there so many girlie feuds in the city?  The journalist with the big nose has stirred up some interesting shit.  Turns out she was 'chatting innocently' through cyber space with her very close friend's new lover.  The Close friend was none to happy about it and the journalist with the big nose told her she was paranoid and self absorbed.  Interestingly everyone else calls the journalist with the big nose this!  Like many in that profession they strike out at anyone who could have a different view of something and they feel they have a right to disentangle stories even when their friend's ask them not too.  So it turns out that the journalist with the big nose continued to spit words of distance and discourse to the close friend who finally decided that having a friend like her was not a good thing and spat back.  Now the journalist not only, apparently has a big nose but she also has two faces, she is reputed to have sent the Close friend flowers on her birthday and then simultaneously sent emails to all their mutual friends, including some who weren't to say The Close Friend was a bitch and not to be trusted.  Many are thinking she was actually manifesting herself with those words.

AUSTIRITY MEASURES – DUTCH COMMUNITY

The Netherlands consulates are one of the few in Istanbul that know how to throw a party.  They work to link the community to local businesses by extending invitations once a month to a select group of people.  Only good things are ever said about their hospitality and the grateful that go get a lot of networking done, not to mention drinking.

However, things are set to change.  Rumor has it the business networking is at an end and just to show this is the case the Consulate’s recent Queen Day Celebration was a taste of things to come, or rather a taste of things that didn’t come.

The Dutch Queen’s official birthday is always celebrated well by the consulate.  Over the years they’ve had bands, marquis, tulips in every corner and traditional drink and finger food.  It’s an event the Dutch community really looks forward to but this year things have changed. 

The Consulate remained only open to a very select few.   The rest of the minions were designated to a place in Tarabya where earlier they had been having a children’s party for their community. 

Invitations were also extended to some locals who must have been horrified at what was advertised as being ‘a cocktail’.  Drinks were wine or beer and the only  finger food to make it to the tables was some very bad plastic tasting cheese cut into squares.  Not a napkin, not a toothpick, not a nut in sight.  There were tulips though and they did go for orange ones just to remind the community that they are decedents of the great William the Orange.  I know things are bad but I had no idea they were this bad.  Or perhaps the Consular General did not wish to spend his expense allowance on this event.  The fact that he addressed the throng or disappointed, makes me wonder if he thought that they wouldn’t notice the cutbacks.    Hard not to since it has become the laughing stock of the city.  Let’s hope the Queen doesn’t hear of it, she might be hurt that her people in Istanbul were fobbed off with a glass of wine and a cheese chunk.

THE BRITISH CONSULATE ROYAL WEDDING PARTY

The British Consulate throws one of its rare parties to its citizens in honor of the royal wedding of William and Kate.  Now, I don’t like to be unkind (much) but one of the things the British Consulate is not famed for is parties, at least not those that aren’t to do with diplomats.  So given any opportunity, the British community surged to be invited to the event.  Interestingly this was not an open invite to all Brits residing in Istanbul but you had to put your name forward and have it picked out of a hat.  So, the lucky 200 or so got to swagger around the ballroom, which was too brightly lit.  OK they have huge chandeliers and OK it wouldn’t look good unless they were lit, but methinks a lower wattage bulb might have worked better given the glamour of the occasion.  

Brits are not renowned minglers.  They are uptight and unconfident in crowds of people they don’t know so there were a lot of tight groups even at the smokers’ section on the balcony.  Smokers usually end up talking to other smokers, having a common evil bond.  Addicts seek out addicts, as they say, not in this case.

However, the service was good.  The canapés very tasty and the champagne (ok it was sparkling wine but who’s comparing) was good with that great British touch of diced strawberries thrown in with the wine.  Two side rooms had been set up with huge plasma TV sets to show, in one room, the history of royal weddings and in the other the event that had taken place that afternoon.  Sadly I have to say that both rooms were packed with Brits and their spouses watching TV rather than interacting with others and each other.

Some lovely outfits were on show, naturally I mean female attire.  A lot had gone to a great deal of trouble to look great for the evening and indeed they did.  Women sparkled and men looked stylish.  Thankfully no one wore hats.  There was already way too many at the ceremony but then I’m told the British don’t don hats as evening attire. 

At around 10 p.m. the party wound down.  A few stragglers hung back and were invited down to the British Consulate’s Clubhouse for drinks.  What is the clubhouse?  Apparently a place where the staff of the consulate and their friends can come to and unwind on a Friday evening.  Drinks are tax-free and the bar is non-profit so it’s affordable.  The 20 or so that went to the bar stayed till around 2 a.m. hitting back shots of something called Slippery Nipples.  Don’t ask me what that is.  I don’t know.  I wasn’t there and don’t believe I would be partial to a slippery nipple.  I am told nothing terribly exciting happened at the Clubhouse apart from everyone having a good time and even some interaction-taking place between the piss heads. 

All in all, well done British Consulate for putting on a very nice event, which beautifully topped off the wonderful wedding of their one-day-to-be sovereign

LAUNCH OF NEW PERFUME - DAISY

Marc Jacobs new fragrance (at least to Turkey) had a relaunch just before Easter.  They choose a swanky hotel Les Ottomans near Bebek for it.  A lot of faces in gorgeous dresses with very small bodies wafted around drinking Green Martinis and refusing the mouthwatering canapes going around.  The Marketing department had done well with the setting, well with the crowd and well with what was on offer.  And the frangrences isn't half bad either.  Maybe not quite for me but on others I thought it was something you might pick up at duty free.  I should have left earlier as several martini's and pink stilettos do not work well.  I am so glad no one saw me trip down the stairs when I went to visit the toilet.  No damage done other than the slit of my dress ripped open another 2 inches.

DUTCH COMMUNITY - NEW VENUE

The Dutch Community have a new venue for something they call ‘their drinkie’s’, at least translated into dutch it doesn’t sound that weird.  The new bar off Istiklal right beside one of the entrances to The Majesty Cinema.  The atmosphere is a lot more jovial.  Could be something to do with the smaller size or the fact that someone Dutch is running the bar on the one day a year the Dutch group meet up.  Could also be something to do with Amstel beer being on offer.  You don’t find that anywhere easily in the city, at least not yet.  Not sure if you need to be Dutch to join their fun, maybe you need to know someone Dutch, or speak it or like tulips or something.  They usually meet up on the last Friday of every month.  Maybe you might like to gate crash, look out for some tall people hanging around the doorway smoking and you’ll know you’ve found your way.

EXPAT ONLY EVENTS - InterNations

Expat Only events - INTERNATIONS

At the end of April InterNations was compelled to insist upon an Expat’s only meeting.  The Turkish contingent to the group was up in arms.  Heated words flew.  Some even threatened to resign.  Other’s quoted InterNations Guidelines.  The forum was abuzz with accusations, recriminations, defenses and general annoyances.  What did emerge was a meeting that consisted of over 120 expats who had either only gone to one or two InterNations events (put off by the ratios of local to expats) or had never joined an InterNations event until then.  The atmosphere was relaxed and fun.  A great deal of networking and friendships were made that night.  I’ve hard that InterNations plan to host another such even but perhaps only once every 2 or 3 months.  It’s not enough say the cry of all those expats who came and enjoyed themselves including all those expats who couldn’t make that event but are begging for another.  No doubt the locals who were excluded are still smarting from the experience.

At the end of May InterNations plans to host another of their usual event.  Already the guest list is past its hundred mark with locals signed in at 70/30.  No wonder expats are boycotting.